THE EMPIRE CRUMBLES, ALAS

So much has happened to bring about this devastingly, dreaded recession or is it a "depression by now ? Whatever we choose to call it the current state of things is frightening, yet fascinating. We are in fact witnessing the collapse of a civilization, orchestrated by a few greedy men.

In New York City a very visible example of "things fall[ing] apart" is the chaos and dysfunction within the public transportation system. This system has failed its citizens - who depend on it totally, miserably. With fewer trains and more commuters, this is such a recipe for disaster.

On a daily basis the trains take longer to arrive or are rerouted causing irate passengers to "face off," dangerously, in a bid to get personal space or just assert themselves. The obvious extreme decay - that has been gradually throughout the system, for at least a decade,is everywhere.

For several months now some of the train routes are being suspended and "shuttle buses" are used to substitute. These buses are rife with instances of "unabated" indiscipline. And the bus drivers remain oblivious to or are "mum" even when the most dastardly deed occurs on their buses. People play loud music, fight with each other for space, fail to pay their fares and speak loudly on cell phones. All this falls on seemingly deaf ears of the driver.

This situation continually renders everyone who takes public transportation vulnerable to attacks and or abuse, especially during the weekends.

Alas, the crumbling of the empire is continuous. There is no control, no one is in charge anymore, no one accepts the responsibility...and the beat goes on.

SUBWAY AND CITY MUSINGS

It's been quite a while that I have become almost fixated with women and their choice of shoes and the heels that support them, as they go about daily tasks. Firstly, the shoes some chose to buy, is the connundrum of the century. I mostly refer here to many large, "ample" women who wear high heels up and down the subway steps in New York City. I have done a few 180 degrees watching, waiting to see how far these heels would carry them.

You can almost hear the protest of the various heels as they strain to maintain and balance these "bosses of heels," safely. Women who "strut their stuff" regally while the heels seem almost uncertain if they can go the distance; are often oblivious of the protest. They project such confidence of their gainly appeal to whomever will - observe.

Hats off to these "Bosses of Heels" in the subways and everywhere.

NOTES ON GETTING OLDER

I believe it took only one day to happen it seems. Yesterday when I looked in the mirror I saw a familiar face. Today, there’s only a shadow of me. The physical changes that have surfaced in one day are astounding. Hours of accelerated, on-going angst, caused by living in urban America has robbed my soul of optimism and my skin it’s elasticity. The gray hairs atop my head are multiplying –in protest and my knees make strange noises each time they are forced to climb up or down the subway stairs.

Oh yes, these are all the signs of aging I have heard about and witnessed in my older relatives. Suddenly, I am now one of them, a card carrying member of the older girls association. How do I handle this and keep my sanity, if I'm not really feeling like one of THEM?? And, despite these aches and pains that have suddenly become a part of my every now and then life, I can still do an impressive dance or salsa routine.

Of course all of this did not happen in a day. I can’t even remember when it started. What I do remember is standing in front of the mirror and gasping as I [really] looked at my face. I had set about applying my make-up to accentuate all my assets and noticed a few lines here and there. Swallowing hard, I prayed for acceptance and smiled as I witnessed through new accepting eyes the me that was still very lovely.

Though my mirror has been really cruel, I have triumphed. With this new attitude I continue to wear all that I chose, in defiance of my [own] perceptions of age and beauty. I "sport" the brightest red lipstick and all that I desire to adorn "the warrior" in me.

Two years ago when I traded my "island home" for what we know as the "real world" [New York City], I never understood the toll it would take. This real world has called a halt to my once uncomplicated, easy, bordering on boring life. And, I think I really do miss it. This is definitely not an even trade. The exercises and fun I once had outdoors, have been severely tempered, by the fear of “being out in the cold.”

This is not the best place for any “child of the sun,” to grow old. And so as i plan my next line of action to literally "save my soul" I reflect on what I will miss back here. There are several things: summer time, spring, freedom to associate and to just "be" at times.

My light, at the end of the tunnel is now within my line-of-sight. My main mission - the re-orientation of my daughter to this culture, has been accomplished. It's time to let her go and find my own wings in the sun.

BETWEEN TWO WORLDS

For as long as I can remember I have lived between the sun and the snow. I have always been torn between, them for so many reasons. Somehow I never seem to be satisfied with one or the other - totally. In one world – the south or the tropics offers close proximity to the beaches, the cool, clear rivers, sugarcanes, coconuts and warm smiles. All are such positive stimulants for the soul. However, the downside to living in these “hot” territories is the abysmal absence of privacy and "social" freedom. Everyone has to fall in line with the status quo, whether one is choosing a partner or, just simply socializing. The rigid class system of colonial times [still] rank highest in classifying relationships.

So, the times in the "sun" sometimes can ultimately become oppressive, instead of being classified as "no problem," alas, since this is the [really] desired state of being in the tropics.

The north shows an impersonal, cold “front” immediately. “Snow territory” offers equalization, social alternatives and the potential to be “an individual.” One has the “inalienable” right to mingle with whomever, without [personal] judgment. And, a critical feature - freedom to move about wherever - paramount to those of us who originate from the tropics. In the urban sections of the north; large cities present negatives which include constant “seas of people”; urban dirt and the absence of recognition, if ones behavior is not outrageous and therefore stands out. It’s magical –in the north, yet tremendously intimidating. Not enough on its own and neither is the tropics.

So, you might ask, what’s wrong with living between two worlds? Everlasting praises for freedom of choice and alternatives.